Life on life’s terms

Life is fragile my friends, as is my relationship with my Higher Power. We had a death in the family. My Aunt was 50 years old. She passed suddenly without warning. She was married to my sweet Uncle Troy. This adorable gal was his second wife.

life death love hate

His first wife passed away after battling cancer for years. They had a young teenage son when she left us. Her name was Dee and she was an incredible Mom and Wife. She took great care of these fellas; to a fault I’m afraid. By the grace of God I was sober enough at the time to step in and teach him how to cook, and clean and do laundry. He sold their house and bought a new one. A fresh start for these boys and they were on their way. My Uncle is also in recovery. He got sober in 2002. He stayed sober through losing Dee, barely hanging on by a thread. He has been such an inspiration to me. A pillar in my recovery.

In came his second wife. She came without warning and he worried it was too soon. The rest of us knew he was ready. He was worried what Dee would think from Heaven. He really liked this new gal, but it was unclear if he would ever be able to love again. He did. He loved sweet Jodi deeply and passionately. As love goes, it was a different flavor of love from the first wife, but true love all the same. She took great care of him; made him a happy man once again. I met them at church regularly, and I just saw her a couple weeks ago. She looked great and I am so grateful to say that I actually told her! (most of the time I just think it and it doesn’t occur to me to tell them until later…..duh!)

He came home and found her unresponsive. She had passed and as of now the cause is yet to be determined. I know she is in a better place. I am sad for her Family and her adorable dog Bella. The devastation for me resonates with my Uncle Troy. How does this happen? How does a guy like my Uncle endure such incredible loss in his short life. He’s sober, he goes to church and has a relationship to the God of his understanding. He does the next right thing and would give any of you, the shirt off his back. What lesson has he NOT learned to have to go through this again?

It’s troubling to me how fragile life is. It would seem that this thought eludes me until something like this happens and I’m reminded the hard way. I am committed to be there for my Uncle…back to the drawing board. I’ll make myself available to help him with laundry and cooking and the things the he has the tendency to depend on her for. This time, I’ll make sure he’s paying attention. “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” This go ’round I’ll do my best to teach instead of coddle. I love this man….he is my Uncle, my friend, and a damn good guy.

I know that God has a plan for all of us….I know that I don’t have to know what that plan is. I will try and put the possibility of loss aside and love hard, passionately and with everything I have….regardless of the outcome. Life is about the path…NOT the destination.

dont lose hope



About kotokb

To sum it up somewhat quickly, I am passionate about my spiritual journey. I am floating through life with the intention of staying open, developing meaningful relationships and being true to me. I am a Mom of two beautiful children. These two are my world..."my littles". I identify as a Lesbian. I identify as a democrat. I identify as a recovering addict alcoholic. Most of all I identify as a Powerful, Radiant, Spiritual, Healing Woman of Light. This blog will serve as a journal of sorts....for strangers to read. I appreciate comments and feedback as I do my best to sparkle my way through this beautiful and sometimes twisted life. I'm new to the blog world so be patient as I discover my way and learn more about this and hopefully myself. Thank you.
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