I write this from a state of confusion. All the while feeling extremely indecisive and trudging or possibly drowning in uncharted waters.
RECAP: My roommate is my former Husband. I use the phrase former Husband because “ex husband” to me, sounds so volatile and negative. He also happens to be my best friend and confidant. I “came out” in October of last year and he has supported me almost 100% from that very moment. We are recently divorced and for the most part, get along pretty well. Several months ago, we both started dating and all of this has been working out as well as can be expected. Our first and foremost priority is our toddler children. We want more than anything to co-parent and make this transition as smooth as possible. So far this plan has worked pretty well. They’re little, so although I’m sure they know more than we think they know, they seem to be adjusting pretty well. There doesn’t seem to have been any behavioral problems or consistent setbacks. I would like to think that in their pure and untainted minds, not much has changed. We have separate rooms and separate bathrooms. We still operate the same as far as chores, our business’ and other surface things. We have a schedule that allows both of us time for ourselves (ie-date night, or time with friends etc). It also includes time together as a unit. I honestly feel that if nothing else, we have done a good job keeping this MAJOR shift in OUR lives, a slow and painless one in theirs…..maybe I’m incredibly naïve and in slight denial, who knows.
Today, on my former Husbands birthday, we got to talking about our future living arrangements. It ended in a very uncomfortable day and we are clearly not on the same page about this. He is comfortable with our current situation of being roommates. He believes that it is best for the children. I on the other hand, am not as comfortable. I’m getting to a point that in order to grow and find my path while building my foundation as a lesbian women and single Mom, I need to spread my wings and get a place of my own.
This is where it gets tricky….We own the home we live in. This home (to my standards) has a huge yard and a huge driveway….both of which I would have trouble keeping up with yard work and snow removal. Another problem with this house is it’s bigger than I need. Also, (side note:) I worry that family and/or friends will see this extra space as an opportunity to grace me with their presence on a more permanent basis, (if you know what I mean).
We also have a rental home in which we have a great tenant. This property is a major asset that makes a little bit of profit every month. The trouble with this property; the reason we moved out to begin with is because there are only two bedrooms upstairs. This means that my son and daughter would have to share a room. It also has a yard and driveway, much smaller, but still a bit of upkeep. Maybe these things aren’t a big deal…..enter the indecisiveness.
Look, I realize that these are luxury problems and I know that I am VERY lucky that my former supports me and all the other butterflies and sunshine that goes along with it. However, it doesn’t take away from the fact that I have a decision to make and it needs to involve what’s best for my littles.
The other option would be to get an apartment….something just the right size and no yard work. Sounds simple enough right? This would be another expense on top of the two other properties we own.
Our finances (in general terms)….We own two companies together. Both of which we have 50/50 interest. Therefore in the divorce the only thing we addressed, was split custody of the children. There were no other monies exchanged due to the fact that it would come out of the same bucket it was deposited to. Does that make sense?
I’ll say this…..I would appreciate constructive and helpful advice. Although it’s not required. It has helped me a little to simply get all this ratchet shit out of my head. I realize there is a lot to this story that you do not know…..feel free to just help if and where you can.
A stranger/friend of mine to whom I’ll refer to as “Grasshoppa”, gently reminded me that “nothing changes if nothing changes”. Although she was advising me on a whole other subject, it rings true for this aspect of my life as well. I guess my reluctance is similar to my motivation. FeAr!! I’m scared to go and I’m scared to stay….
Our situation is very unique in that we had a great marriage, we were and are best friends (most of the time). I need this relationship to stay afloat and stay positive for my children and now I am officially rambling…..as if I wasn’t before. HELP!!
Thanks for taking time to read this and hopefully give me some positive insight. I appreciate you ALL!!